Thursday, October 04, 2007

Some Caledon related fiction: The Unflappable Batmen (and women) of Caledon

The Unflappable Batmen (and women) of Caledon


Miss CronoCloud Creeggan (Gunbunny, Sergeant of the RFL Militia, Ret.)

Right then, what's a batman? No, not the one of the four color adventures, this one:

A batman or batwoman is an aide/assistant/lackey to a commissioned officer of often higher social standing, and as a role playing opportunity is quite suited to Caledon. Not only because of the presence of military ranks, but because batmen often follow their former officers into civilian life, serving as trusted aides/major domos.

In RL media, Jarvis of the Marvel Comics Avengers, Alfred Pennyworth of DC's Batman books, and Jonathon Quayle Higgins III of CBS's Magnum PI might be considered batmen.

This reminds me of the time I was serving Leftenant Colonel Bernard McLuhan (Lord Thistlebrook) in the Unpleasantness in the Vast Underworld of the Morlocks. Banky, which was his nickname among the men, women, furries, tinies, and other assorted Caledonian residents under his command, preferred his sporting rifle to the standard issue officers weapon. We were facing a rather large Mess of Morlocks, intent on reaching the surface and ravaging the innocence of Caledon's Lads and Lasses. It was the cavorite mines you know, that led us to encountering the Morlocks. The inventors of Caledon must have their cavorite. Right, Mess of Morlocks. Banky's hunting rifle was effective at range in large caverns but not so useful in most of the Underground.

"Dwat and double dwat", said Banky. Not that he had any speech impediment, he just liked saying "dwat", "I apparently forgot to bring extra ammunition for my rifle. And not a great time to realize that. Any suggestions, Sergeant?"

I, of course, being a competent batman was quite prepared.

"I have a boomstick, strike that, shotgun, available for your use, Sir. It will probably be quite effective in these circumstances.", said I, as I was blasting an approaching Morlock with Madame Malaprop's Finest Blunderbuss. I then tossed Banky the weapon and ammo.

"Jolly Good, Sergeant, we'll show these Morlocks what for!", said he, chambering a round.

"Behind you, Sir.", I warned

Banky then turned and let loose a round in the gaping maw of a Morlock two feet behind him, "Swallow this!".

Ah yes, batmen. Competency and preparedness are our watchwords. We need skills and equipment for any contingency at the ready to serve our commander/employer's bidding.

There was this time, after we had been temporarily returned to Reserve duty, Banky had a scheduled tryst with the young Lady AmberLynn Snowcrash. Her father was away on business on the mainland and had ordered that the young lady refuse the company of suitors until his return. However, the young lovers were not to be thwarted. The Lady's own batwoman had agreed to chaperone the young ones, if Banky could manage to get in the Lady's demesne, which would not be an easy task. Her father would know if we entered through the front door, a Babbage Engine kept track of entries and exits, notwithstanding the lowering and raising of the gates. So, Banky would have to enter through an unguarded entry. Using tools at my disposal I had discovered that an attic window would probably be the best method.

"Attic Window eh, CC?", said Banky. Banky often called me CC while we were in mufti.

"Yes sir, that would probably be the easiest way."

"I don't suppose I could fly up there."

"The region is no-fly, sir."

"Dwat and double dwat, the Lady Amberlynn is the most desirable ingenue in all Caledon. I shall not be deterred."

"Of course not, sir. I happen to have a grappling hook gun that should be useful in this circumstance. You may use that while I hold off the Proto-bunnehs"


"Yes sir, apparently the Lady's father acquired a pair and has been breeding them and training them to guard the manor."

"You're not going to kill them, are you CC? Remember what happened the last time someones favourite pet rabbit was killed? Besides, 'is Nibs is fond of rabbits"

"Killing the bunneh's won't be necessary sir. In my cute tiny form I should be able to convince them not to bother us. If that fails, I've taken the liberty of loading Madame Malaprop's flare gun with soporific gas projectiles."

"Capital, CC! Lets do it!"

The tryst proved successful, with the Lady's father none the wiser.

I must be off now, Banky has entrusted me to acquiring a gift of jewellery for Lady Amberlyn n while he is testing his new aircraft. I am much more familiar with the best places to find beautiful baubles than he is, so the gift will be of better taste. That reminds me of the time when Banky gave the Lady a gift of blinging shoes of rather hussylike appearance. She liked the shoes, except for the bling and charged us with a quest to find a non-blinging pair of similar appearance, but of better fit and quality. That required a visit to the mainland among the natives there. Which is a tale for another time.

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