Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Big Trope! My entry into Harper Ganesvoort's Oscar Contest 2015.

Hi folks I'm "Jean Eberhardt", everyone's favorite non-existent SL reviewer of non-existent SL films.  Today I'm going to be talking about that talk of the grid, the low budget homage to B-Movie Noir and Adventure Films... The Big Trope.

The Story of the Big Trope starts with a Science Exhibition where a somewhat Mad Scientist unveils his newest invention:  The Macguffin Device.  We're not exactly told what it does, but apparently it does something because Millionaire Philantropist Kradox Durxok seems to be very interested in it, and with a name like that...he probably isn't a philanthropist.  This is when we first meet his lovely assistant Radclyffe Beaverton who steals the scene by flirting shamelessly with the Mad Scientist's Beautiful, but Hollywood Homely Daughter. (She wears glasses and librarian clothes and looks delicious.) And then when the Beautiful Daughter's Boyfriend Protagonist protests, tells him to lighten up and points out HER comradette-in-arms and Innamorata, Brinksy Corgi, as played by the inestimable Charlemagne Allen.  I'm glad the screenwriter didn't Hide Your Lesbians.

Cue a gloomy scene at the Lynden Lab building, where the Macguffin is housed, and we see Radclyffe and Brinksy fly up in a hover car that is made of the Rule of Cool.  They then proceed to steal the Macguffin, putting the sole human guard, a woman, to sleep with a drug laced kiss, and then having a waif-fu and gun-kata firefight with Lynden Lab's Mekka-Mole security robots on the way out after intentionally tripping the alarm...just so they could have a little fun. And they did all this in short skirts, stockings and stiletto heels with a sort of Sky Captain meets Stewardess meets Elvgren slash Vargas pinup sort of look.

Outfits from R2, Stockings from Blacklace, Heels from Hucci, Hair from Wasabi Pills.

As you can see, the film was shot in black and white in the classic Academy 1.375:1 ratio as an homage to the old days.

We then see Radclyffe and Brinksy hand over the Macguffin to the Big Bad.  They are then berated for not killing the guard, which causes them both to frown, and then are sent to acquire the Mad Scientist's Beautiful Daughter...they're told she has the secret to actually activating it. After they leave, The Big Bad tells his snivelling weasely junior lackey Peter Leech that she actually knows nothing and will be a hostage to secure her Mad Scientist father's cooperation in unleashing the Macguffin's full power, and that he believes that Radclyffe and Brinksy will do a High Heel/Face turn the moment they realize this since they believe he's a Well Intentioned Extremist whose goal is to Save the World from Itself, and that Leech is to kill them and take their place as his Dragon when he.... Kradox Durxok, rules the World as it's God-King with the Power of the Macguffin.

They then capture her at the University Library, where she puts up quite a fight before they subdue her.  They're so impressed with her spunk that they fly her to Paris for the sole purpose of getting her a glamourous makeover before they take her to the Big Bad.  They get her cooperation by telling her that they work for Kradox Durxok, whom she only knows as a philanthropist, and that on their honor no harm will come to her.  After the makeover, where they turn her into a Taylor Swift meets Mamie Van Doren Blonde Bombshell, they take her to the Big Bad.

Once they deliver her, the Big Bad desires her for her own and declares that the Beautiful Daughter will be his Queen.  She says "never" and then the Big Bad strikes her with the power of the Macguffin, brainwashing her into obedience and give the command to Leech and the Daughter to kill Radclyffe and Brinksy.  This, of course, crosses Radclyffe's and Brinksy's Moral Event Horizon and they do an immediate High Heel/Face Turn.

It turns out they are also Genre Savvy and immediately flee in a jet powered airship and rendezvous with the Boyfriend Protagonist who is on his own airship coming to rescue the Beautiful Daughter.  They tell him of her brainwashing and provide cover fire to the Boyfriend Protagonist in the air while he rescues the Beautiful Daughter, retrieves the Macguffin, defeats the Big Bad and Saves the World.  Their airship is sadly shot down by Leech's just before The Boyfriend Protagonist shoots down Leech's airship.

At first I thought the screenwriter had fallen into a Bury Your Gays trap, but then we cut to first a Medals for Everyone ceremony for the Boyfriend Protagonist and Mad Scientist, followed by a wedding between the Boyfriend Protagonist and the Mad Scientist's Beautiful Daughter.  There, as her bridesmaids, are Radclyffe and Brinksy who jointly catch the bouquet at the end.

As it is, CC and Charlemagne were, in an  unprecedented move, nominated for joint award for Best Supporting Actresses in a Non-Existant Virtual Film.  Which makes perfect sense, since they're the best thing in the film. It's why I've been focusing on them and not everything else in this modern-day B-picture. The Boyfriend's actor is dull, the Ingenue they got playing the Beautiful Daughter can't even pronounce Tesla properly, and the Big Bad hams it up more than Jeremy Irons, Alan Rickman, Gary Oldham and BRIAN a ham canning facility...which is just too much ham

Late breaking news...we have a paparazzi shot of CC and Charlemagne's Award show outfits for Harper Ganesvoorts Oscar Fashion contest 2015:

Ms. CC's Gown by PurpleMoon, Eclair Hair from Amacci. Ms. Charlemagne's gown by Metatheodora

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