Sunday, August 22, 2010

My Name is CC and I'm a Girloholic. (with props to Salome)

My former Boss at Linden Lifestyles, Salome strangelove has written a very thoughtful post in regards to her feminism and her "Squee" over SL fashion.

I could tell epic stories about my angst in trying to reconcile my feminism, with my love of femme-y things, and my Transgenderedness. And I do mean epic. I have several threads, one of them 18 pages, on a message board I frequent that are basically all about that issue.

It wasn't till relatively recently, May of Last year, that I got over it...mostly. You see, for many years, I thought that because I was a nerd, I couldn't be a woman because I was nothing like a woman. Also for many years, I thought I couldn't be a woman because I was attracted women (I didn't know that lesbian MTF Transsexuals existed). And there were times that I believed that because I'd go squee over some RL pair of shoes like these Christian Louboutin Anemone's (even if I couldn't actually walk or afford them) that I wasn't "really a TS".

Dear readers, did I ever tell you that I'm amazingly low self esteemy? Even in SL! Just last week I was thinking that perhaps my avatar wasn't pretty enough.

What helped me the most was my friends on the Internets, and the Visible: A Femmethology Volumes.

Am I a feminist? Yes, yes I am. I've identified as such for years. Lets see, I think it was before Anita Hill, somewhere between 1988 and 1990. I began identifying more strongly with feminism with the rise of Third Wave feminism. In fact, it was a series of articles and interviews in Glamour magazine about and by Naomi Wolf and Susan Faludi that did so.

I would describe myself as a pro-porn, pro-choice Third Wave feminist. I'm a practical feminist, I don't go for that deconstruction and theorizing, it hurts my head. I like to keep it simple.

I don't refer to myself as a "girl" or "woman" yet, I feel like I haven't "earned it" yet, but when I was young, I played with my sisters dolls, read her YM and Seventeen, played with her makeup. But that doesn't mean I didn't like Dungeons & Dragon's (got my first set in 81), playing with the Brix Blox Lego knockoffs, and playing video games.

I also sometimes sing the chorus of "I Enjoy Being a Girl" from the Musical "Flower Drum Song", sometimes ironically, but sometimes not, and I have done it while shopping in SL:

When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curl,
I float as the clouds on air do,
I enjoy being a girl!


Chalice Carling said...

Hugs sister. Loving yourself makes you beautiful. This is your journey and no-one else's....I hope you live it without apology or fear. Love your blog xx

Anonymous said...

As a true admirer of queer femmes let me say thank heavens for you all! There's quite a bit of great writing from the femmes of the butch/femme world proudly proclaiming their right to be pretty and fierce feminists at the same time. I always loved this piece from ivan e. coyote

And I look forward to seeing you around looking fabulous as always CC.

Nova Dyszel

Alaska Metropolitan said...

Being nerdy can be feminine! Myself and my female friends grew up playing with Lego AND Barbies, play video games (and even beat our game developer boyfriends at them) and nerd it up on weekends with vintage Nintendo matches and cosmopolitans. (Dr. Mario and cocktails go very well together.) It's happily becoming more normal/accepted to defy stereotypes and gender expectations and just enjoy things regardless of their labels. :)